On Having a Second Baby

siblings

Before you get excited, let me preface this with, no, I am not pregnant, nor is that the plan at this moment in time. Yes, we’d like to have another baby one day, and hope that it will be possible, but right now, there is no bun in the oven (grandparents).

That being said, many of Harry’s peers are getting little brothers or sisters right now. Is there some unspoken rule that all siblings must be two years apart in age? My siblings and I were, all the way down to Oliver, who was three years behind Dylan. I always thought I wanted my kids to be about two years apart in age. But when Harry hit the 15 month mark and I wasn’t pregnant – and didn’t plan on being pregnant – I realized that the two year mark was not going to be hit. And most likely not going to be even remotely hit.

So, thus, brings up the topic of conversation: when? We were asked this question a lot (though surprisingly, not as much as I expected) on our recent trip to Michigan, and I honestly didn’t have an answer. I’d really like Harry to be somewhat close in age to his younger brother or sister, but I don’t feel ready to enter the arena again. There are more days than not that I still feel like I have a baby (even if there are more and more moments when I’m reminded he is most definitely not a baby) and I can’t imagine adding another one into the mix. Jon and I love our life right now, as a threesome. It’s finally possibleย to go places (somewhat) on a whim. Travel is much easier. There are two sets of eyes and four hands to keep on that little boy. Right now, one is enough.

And, if we’re being completely transparent, sometimes I wonder if we should be done altogether. I know ultimately, it’s not my decision that will bring along a sibling. Just because we have Harry does not a healthy second pregnancy make. But sometimes, just sometimes, I think about the dynamics of our family right now, and how much time I want to spend with that little boy, and the reality of adding a second wee one to our brood, and I wonder if we even want to try for another. 99% of the time, I know we want a second baby. If for nothing else, once they hit about five or six, the built in buddy aspect. Soย yes, we want a second baby. I think. (I can’t be the only one who thinks like this, right??)

How far apart are your kids (or would you like the spacing to be)? What about you and your siblings? Were you/are you close? My hairdresser’s kids are five years apart in age, but she claims they are the best of friends, saying “they’ll be as close as you make them.” I’m so interested about the timing of siblings. Let’s chat.

xoxo Mallory

21 thoughts on “On Having a Second Baby

  1. Devon

    Hey Mallory. Amy’s friend Devon here & I am so with you on the sibling thing. My son is almost 20 months & I feel like the only one of friends with kids his age who does not feel ready to have another one. I might want another one at some point but not right now for all the reasons you said. So just know you’re not alone. (I also lived in India for awhile if you ever want to chat about cross-cultural living).

    Reply
    1. mallory.recor@gmail.com Post author

      SO nice to hear that I’m not alone! Thanks Devon. We should definitely chat about how different things are out of the states. I love it, but it’s definitely different, and as time goes on, I can see missing certain things. XO

      Reply
  2. Wendy

    The twins are due 1 day before the 2 year mark after Susanna.

    We hoped to get pregnant this year, as life is about to change dramatically in the coming year. Twins were unexpected, but are a blessing.

    I wanted a third child, but future timing wasn’t best for another pregnancy. They’re coming at a point where Scott and I still work from home and are able to be the parents we seek to be for them and Susanna.

    Reply
    1. mallory.recor@gmail.com Post author

      How perfect that you did end up getting a third baby! And congratulations Wendy! I can’t remember if I’ve told you that yet. XO

      Reply
  3. Kary Glawe

    We’re in the same boat! Except switch the 99% of the time of wanting a second baby to NOT wanting a second baby. I really think we might be done, but I just can’t shut the door yet. I think about it all the time, especially when someone asks the dreaded question and even more so when I hear their response to my, “Oh, we might just have the one” answer. For the record the last one was, “Don’t you dare raise that boy alone!!”, to which I had to practice much self restraint and bite my tongue. I’m rambling, I know, but I understand where you are coming from! For your research, my brother is 3.5 years older than me. My mom said that she didn’t even think about having a second until I was 2. We’re not what I would consider close and we weren’t growing up either, but I think it has more to do with personality divide than age gap.

    Reply
    1. mallory.recor@gmail.com Post author

      Ugh, I don’t know why anyone else thinks they have a say in how many kids you have! Don’t you dare listen to anyone else, that’s what I say ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  4. Sarah Cates

    The boys are two years apart and I highly HIGHLY recommend it to anyone that wants more than one.

    Mirah is 5 years younger than Diesel and 7 younger than Mason. Yes, they are her protectors…but I wish I could have given her a sibling buddy of her own. I wanted her to have a built in best friend like the boys have.

    My personal opinion is that the larger the gap, the harder it is. They’re no longer interested in the same things, the little ones don’t want to sit through big kid events and the older ones get bored to easy at toddler activies.

    I’m just glad Mirah was a girl. Had she been a boy I think she’d feel so much more left out. I honestly think she feels love and protected by them.

    Anyway, im rambling. You and Jon are fabulous parents. Don’t feel pressured. Do what’s right for you!

    More house hunting picture please.

    Xoxo sarah

    Reply
    1. mallory.recor@gmail.com Post author

      I love this Sarah. Your insight is weighted so heavily in our house. You guys are such phenomenal parents. Did you feel “out of practice” when Mirah came along? XO

      Reply
    1. mallory.recor@gmail.com Post author

      Ah, plans. Nothing like babies to come along and thwart those, huh? XO

      Reply
  5. Mary Elmer

    Mallory! Fisrt I love seeing the pictures of where you are living. Second – when you and Jon decide to have another baby, thats the only people you need to chat with. When its time, you will know it. Enjoy what you have, enyoy all the stages Harry is going to bring to you and relax. You and Jon are wonderful parents and when its time Harry will be a wonderful big brother. Love you all

    Reply
  6. lsk

    As a (very blessed) mama with two very close in age, it is wonderful but there are days it is very, very tough. Tough for me because I have mom guilt. Guilt that I am not having all those extra special cuddles and naps I did with baby #2 as I did with baby #1. Guilt that I am missing on reading #1 a story because I am nursing/changing/holding #2. At the end of the day, I know they will be besties and have each other to count on throughout their lives BUT I think you are very wise to be where you are about #2. BUT another Recor boy would give my girls one less thing to fight about in their teenage years. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
    1. mallory.recor@gmail.com Post author

      Sometimes I wish I had done it the way you did lady. Close is nice, because they’ll grow up best friends. It’s so interesting how reading all these comments is moving me a little closer to the starting line. Not there yet though ๐Ÿ˜‰ XO

      Reply
  7. Kelly Pittner

    I’ve always wanted a big family – at least 4 kids and we’re halfway there right now with Anna and Daniel. They are exactly(to the day) 23 months apart. And as far as planning it, Daniel and I were like “let’s start not trying but not preventing” &found out I was pregnant within a month. (Crazy, right? ) I feel like the first year was “a tale of two families”- “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Did I love having a brand new little love to snuggle and nurse and love on in addition to his big sister who I could do puzzles with, read books to without fearing spit up getting on the pages and run around in the backyard with? Absolutely! But was it challenging? Absolutely! Like when Dan was tdy for 2 months when Daniel had just turned 2 months. Or when he didn’t sleep through the night until well after his first birthday. But at the end of the day, I wouldn’t change it at all.
    Now we’re thinking and kind of ready for baby #3, but we just had an amazing trip (to Los Angeles & back to Maryland within 4 days) that with a newborn/infant would have been difficult or possibly out of the question. And this October has Dan back in pilot training (YAY!) so there’s that to consider when thinking about the next baby too. All in all, I know God has a plan for our family and Daniel & I will know for sure when the time is right for making our family a little bigger. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    1. mallory.recor@gmail.com Post author

      See, Kelly, that’s my issue! The traveling thing is SO easy right now. Everything is so easy. But I really want Harry to be close to his sibling. So the debate continues ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanks for weighing in lady, and good luck to Dan at Pilot Training! Back to OK?

      Reply
      1. Kelly

        Yes, we are going back to OK! I am thrilled!! After 2 years in Maryland, with literally everything within driving distance and 3 Targets within a half hour, I’m ready for quieter life we had in Enid (I speak mostly of traffic because the planes constantly flying overhead at Vance offer little “quiet” when outside of course). Plus the cost of living is crazy out here. There are plenty of good things here and we’ve made some great friends, but I’m ready for Enid. ๐Ÿ™‚ The community we had at Vance has been unmatched at the other bases we’ve been to, that’s a huge draw for me.
        And as for travel, while it’s easy now, having an infant and toddler didn’t keep me holed up at home but it definitely was a challenge. I am proud to say I conquered a flight from Biloxi to Pittsburgh and then a 6 hour drive to Philly followed by the same route, just backwards solo with a 2 month old and 25 month old while Dan was TDY. Nothing is impossible, but some things are easier than others!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Reply
  8. Kari

    Oh Mallory, I feel you! The Navy had a lot to say about when we were considering baby #2 (due in nov!!) but it wasn’t the only factor. I really wanted Boden to be at least three before his sibling came along. 1 I selfishly wanted him out of diapers first and 2. I wanted to be able to enjoy every last bit of baby with him before we added another. But because of a TAD and a not as easy go around with actually conceiving #2, Boden will be closer to 4 when his brother or sister comes along.
    But I have also come to terms with the fact that life moves beyond just the playmate years. Sure I had a wonderful built in playmate with my twin sister but I have also grown to have a wonderful relationship with my 4 years older sister. Having jobs and kids and similar interests has helped us move beyond the “MOM kari won’t leave me and my friends alone” years. There is a lifetime for us beyond our younger years to develop close relationships with our siblings. Even though 4, 5 or 6 years might seem like a lifetime when they are little.

    Reply
    1. mallory.recor@gmail.com Post author

      That’s such a good point Kari! I’m such great friends with my siblings now, even though our age differences range from 2-9 years. Also, congrats on Baby #2!!! I’m so excited for you guys! XO

      Reply
  9. Pingback: House Number Four | R.Simple Life

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *